Save Me

i mustn't
come across
too strong
i know
my ways
within this world
are wrong

i know
i'm tampering
distastefully
with my disaster

negativity
is seen
no differently
by either
you or by myself

yet here i am
again
i'm slobbering
defeatist
non-sense

under-mining
everything
i've written
prematurely

bitten
by the frost
of this society
my agony

all realism
lost
to my own
openess
ironically
my finest
point of notoriety

when will she
talk to me
in person?
just
if nothing else
to stop
my mind
from wandering
about her qualities
impersonally

i'm the first
to recognize
the shallowness
of depth
before its time

and i'm the last
to recognize
that my own
savior
isn't fit
to lift
my spirits
when i'm finally left alone
from furious
self-derision
executed by my highly self-critical
siamese-clone:
romantic failure